Today, Camille had a good day at daycare. Or so the daycare workers tell us and so I hope. But I wonder if they’re just trying to tell me what I want to hear because they’ve figured out how freaked out I am about leaving her at daycare.
The first week wasn’t so bad, because she was only there in the afternoon. But this week, she’s been at daycare almost the whole day, and it has been rough. She won’t/can’t nap because she’s used to peace and quiet, and the daycare is understandably noisy. So, I think the lack of sleep has made her fussy, along with some teething troubles.
When I picked her up Tuesday afternoon, one of the workers told me Camille had been really fussy. “I mean really fussy,” she underscored. Wednesday, I came to see her during lunch, and the same lady was holding her. I asked how she’d been doing, and she said she’d been a little less fussy, but not much.
I took Camille into the small room next door they reserve for breastfeeding, and while I was there I could overhear the worker talking to another employee.
“It’s not that her crying bothers me, I’m just worried because she cries SO MUCH.”
I wasn’t sure if they were talking about Camille, but looking down at her I nearly lost it just thinking about her having such a hard time. Whenever I show up, I’m rewarded with smiles and hugs, but it breaks my heart to think when I’m not there she’s a mess of tears.
I later asked the other worker if they had been discussing Camille, and they had. She said not to worry, that what she was going through was a normal transition for a baby unaccustomed to daycare. But as I sat there, rocking Camille before I left for work again, I felt so heartsick for her. I knew I had to go before I had a break down, so I put her in a swing. She reached up her arms to me and I was seconds from snatching her up and running out of there when the worker assured me if she started crying, she’d hold her. So I saved my sobbing for the car ride.
I really hope she’s doing better, and the daycare workers seem very positive whenever I talk to them about it. I watch them with her and with the other children, and I think they’re genuinly nice people who care about the babies. But I can’t get over my mother load of mother guilt, and this feeling that Camille should be with us instead of a room full of strangers all day. I know they won’t be strangers forever, but it all feels very strange for now.
And last night, our usually sound sleeper woke up. With a stuffy nose. She was up every couple of hours, and I’ve been torturing her with a bulb syringe all evening to help clear her nostrils. She seems to be sleeping okay right now. I don’t know if she picked up something at daycare, but it’s not endearing me to the institution – even though I know getting sick sometimes is a natural part of growing up.
So, I worry about her a lot, but that’s what mommys do.
But things aren’t all doom and gloom. We’ve had a lot of fun lately too. Aunt Erin came to visit and spoiled Camille rotten. She’s so good with Cami, and I love watching them play together.

Last weekend, the weather was beautiful, so Camille and I took 3 trips to the park. I took her to Daffin twice and Forsyth Park once, and she really seemed to enjoy it. I was rewarded with this great smile when we stopped to check out the Forsyth Park fountain.

That’s my girl.